Ok, I think it’s been a while since last I ranted about anything, and many things have happened. Up until now though, I feel like I have yet to fulfill one of the objectives I mentioned in the beginning, I think I mightn’t have been as direct with my opinions, It’s just sometimes, I get so swallowed up in the thrice damned atmosphere of social hypocrisy that I tend to soften or not say at all, many of my opinions, for fear of them being considered aggressive.
That is maybe a good way to start, I mean, I would never dare consider myself as an aggressive person, I’m too laid back, and too carefree for that; but that also means that it’s hard for me to be outgoing. I tend to just sit down, have life surprise me (which in retrospect might not have worked too often) and well, accept whatever I find, meet, or get puked on.
On the other hand, just recently I did let myself be surprised by something; one of those things I have been eager to experience for a while (a while meaning like 3 or 4 years). It will suffice to say that even though it was indeed something great and that I can’t wait to repeat, my…err…visualizations? The imagined inferences I tried to make about the real thing turned out to be frighteningly accurate, I mean extremely accurate (not that it’s something bad) but well I kind of even though that it was some sort of previous life knowledge or something. Also, following this same nature of experiences, and as part of my fantasizing personality, I believe that I might have finally found an explanation for the unreal feeling I got after the deed being done; allow me to explain: I live bored of reality, somehow I feel like I have always been bound by the rules and the limits of my age, my location, my authorities, so much that it makes me sick, sometimes I feel caged, and being my recent experience something so incredibly pleasurable, abrupt and in many ways unexpected, it sort of shed a light over a whole new variety of sensations that may seem as some kind of fantasy of the ones I am so adept of trapping myself in, nevertheless, I think the solution is fairly obvious, repeat until it feels real jajaja.
Now onto the next subject, I seem to have found something new about my personality…..yeah, that’s a lie, it’s nothing new, but I’ll talk about it anyway. I turns out that just recently I remembered how much I like to be trusted, I consider myself and honest person, but a very closed one, I could dare say that very few people know me, or maybe none, but I have been thinking that maybe if I feel trusted enough, I can start trusting someone else. Also it might be that I like being depended on, that my presence is required or needed, that would open another dilemma though, am I only selfishly using other people’s trust to feel good, or is my intent really so altruist and stuff? Maybe a little of both but meh. However it may be, I have just decided not to give names, which I was planning to do but now I think it might not have been a good idea.
I’ll rant some more in the next few days.